Please read through these
notes carefully and do not simply skim over them.
One should first purify their intentions, i.e. to seek the pleasure of Allah (God) by
fulfilling one’s obligation to seek a marital partner in a halâl (permissible) way. It should be treated as a form of worship, so that this will set a precedent for one’s willingness to adhere to Islamic etiquettes throughout the event.
1. Listen carefully and follow all the instructions set out by the organisers.
2. Forgive the organisers and facilitators for their shortcomings.
3. Try to be in a state of wudű’ (ablution) if possible.
4. The best starting point is to recognise that you are a humble servant of
Allah who is attending the event because you, like all the other participants,
are looking for a spouse, and therefore want to behave in the best of manners.
• The event has been organised by Islamic Circles who are a community-based initiative that has been working in East London since January 2001. We hold regular lectures, classes and social development projects, and also organise seminars and workshops on issues relevant to the Muslim
community. The organisers of the event are married and have no vested interests.
• The matrimonial service was set up in 2003 following a detailed evaluation of
the different ways in which Muslims find marriage partners in the UK. Several
events have been organised over the past few years catering for a range of
people within the Muslim community. A confidential matrimonial database has also
been operating in the background.
• It is important to recognise that finding a suitable spouse is a massive
problem for Muslims today. It has to be addressed practically, not just through
lectures and seminars about the fiqhi (juristic) nature of marriage and the
ideal scenario. Education of the whole community is required, including parents
and even the ‘ulamâ who also need to work with social scientists such as
marriage counsellors and psychotherapists to find realistic solutions. We hope
that the marriage event will be a humble product of this. Such initiatives are
new to the community, and they need to be tested within the framework of the
Sharî‘ah. It will take time for us to fully understand them but they can only
improve if people participate in them, take them seriously, facilitate their
organisation, and provide constructive feedback.
• Have there been any success stories? Alhamdulillâh we have facilitated many
introductions and a number of these have resulted in marriages. Marriage is
clearly a sensitive matter and is not something that can be engineered
mechanically. The success of such initiatives ultimately lies with Allah. What
needs to be borne in mind is that this is an opportunity, and a lot will depend
on what you make of it.
Etiquettes Before Entering the Main Hall
1. Arrive by stated time at the latest. After that a charge will be levied on
latecomers. Insha’Allah we will start on time. Punctuality is seriously lacking
amongst Muslims, especially when it comes to Islamic activities.
2. Payment, unless specified is by cash on the door only. No payment means no
entry to the event.
3. Do make an effort to fill in your profile card properly. It is one of the
first sources from which others will learn more about you. Whilst you are not
expected to write an essay, simple one-line answers will reflect badly on you
and will suggest that you can’t be bothered or are not serious. This applies
especially to brothers whose profiles in the past have been very shoddy. If your
handwriting is poor it is not something we can take responsibility for, but do
ask someone if you require assistance. Profiles will be placed on boards at the
sides of the hall.
4. Participants will not be allowed to record the event. Anyone found using a
recording device will be asked to leave the course and there will be no refund.
5. If I wear niqâb will I have to take it off? No, this is entirely your choice.
Etiquettes in the Main Hall
1. Put on your ID badge where people are able to see it clearly and wear it
throughout the event.
2. Please do not approach any of the volunteers or admin staff for marriage
purposes. Spare yourself and ourselves the embarrassment.
3. Fill up the seats from the front.
4. Mobile phones must be switched off or put on silent. If your call is an
emergency, indicate to one of the organisers that you need to leave the room to
answer a call.
5. Light refreshments will be available, please try not to make a mess.
6. Remain in the main hall unless you really need to go out. This makes it
easier for the profile facilitators to locate you if someone has taken an
interest in you.
7. You can leave the event at any stage but please return your badge and let us
know that you are leaving. In this way we can take down your profile and avoid
confusion.
8. When you leave the event, kindly complete the questionnaire as this help us
to plan better events.
9. Anyone who is found to be uncooperative or is a nuisance, rude, loud-mouthed
or disrespectful towards fellow participants or organisers will be escorted out
with no refund.
General Tips and Information
1. Try to have a positive outlook, relax and smile.
2. Don’t be shy during the discussion sessions. This is an opportunity to
introduce yourself and learn more about the other participants.
3. Be patient at all times. If a profile is being seen to then please wait.
4. Prayer facilities will be provided at the venue.
5. You can exchange contact details if you are happy to do so. However, we take
no responsibility in terms of character checks, obtaining references and
anything that transpires afterwards.
6. We welcome constructive criticism but not cheap attempts at rubbishing the
efforts of other Muslims, because these are ultimately of no benefit to the
Muslim community or those who are sincerely looking to get married. We need to
try all permissible avenues available, including Muslim marriage events. It is
also important not to exert all your efforts into marriage events alone. Try to
utilise other means such as friends, family members, community elders, imams,
‘âlimahs, members of organisations, etc.
7. Such events will continue being organised until masjids, Islamic groups,
community elders and other married people start organising them.
8. Make du’â and ask Allah for guidance before, after and during the event.
Perform istikhârah prayer as and when appropriate.